April W.

Something I Thought I'd Never Hear

2011-04-21T05:08:00.000-07:00

My Dr. told me yesterday that I am not eating enough sugar. What? Really? Except for three donuts...I know, I know...I haven't had any sugar for three weeks. Apparently, I cut back too far and have been getting dizzy. I have to incorporate more fruit into my diet. Last night I ate some red grapes. They were so sweet it was almost too much. Almost. I guess my sweet buds have gotten sensitive.

More Than I Wanted

2011-04-12T15:59:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to get back into the gym, but my back has been bothering me. My doctor referred me to a Physical Therapist. I'm going three times a week and doing an hour of exercise twice a day. Well, I wanted to start exercising again. I was thinking more of the thirty minutes three times a week kind, where I would run on the treadmill. This is more than I bargained for, but I really need it and if it will help with my pain, then I'm all for it.

I've lost twelve pounds so far. On track.

I've started the first draft of my secret project. All is well.

I did my first motivational book pass-it-on today. I sent a copy of Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins to a friend of mine. This book really helped me break free of some destructive habits. I love the idea of "leverage activities". If you are going to make a change, make it one that will have a large impact. Get the most bang for your buck. Change is very hard for me, so this strategy is key.

Another day in the books.

Super-Secret Project

2011-04-01T11:27:00.000-07:00

I've started to become very superstitious when it comes to my writing. This comes from analyzing my failed attempts at finishing a book. My process usually looks something like this: I get really excited about a project, I get the darned thing outlined, I start writing, and then I start talking about it. It is this "talking about it" part that I am growing excessively superstitious about. What happens is that I get so excited about my project, I use up all my creative energy talking, talking, talking. Then, when I sit down to write...nothing.

So, I'll say, I'm working on something very exciting. Possibly life-changing. But, I'm saving the details for the page. I have a workable outline. I am going to have to streamline it, though. It is non-fiction and that is new for me. Okay, off to do some research.

photo by Michal Marcol

Three Week Mark

2011-03-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

...and I've lost five pounds. Not setting any records here, but hey slow and steady wins the race, right?

Fight the Crazy

2011-02-27T08:17:00.000-08:00

photograph by Graur Codrin

I changed my weight loss ticker this morning. I tell you what...I am my own worst enemy sometimes. So, I had my weight loss goal as 100 lbs. Do I need to lose 100 lbs? No. It is just a beautiful round number. If I lost 100 lbs, I would be twenty pounds under weight for my age and height. AND, I would be setting myself up for failure. I mean this is goalsethigh, not goalsetimpossible. I reset my goal for the high end of my healthy weight. That brings my goal to 59 lbs. Much more manageable. Also, if I lose two pounds a week, I will have that licked in thirty weeks. September 25. That is four days after my 39th birthday. Maybe I could crank it up here and there and make it by the 21st. What a great birthday present! Pray for me...please.

Large Mammal

2011-02-26T19:05:00.000-08:00

photograph by Tom Curtis

That's right. I've become a large mammal. I had started to lose weight when I got pregnant. Actually, the weight loss triggered my dormant fertility. Blah, blah, blah - big fat mammal. Anyway, I've decided to train for a 5k. I am also going to track my weight loss on a little gadget on my blog. I've now got to choose my race.

Good Enough

2011-02-23T19:36:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been a martyr in one of my close relationships. Yes, the person did me wrong. Yes, I have every right to remove this relationship from my life. But, I don't have to roll around in that person's wrongness. The Lord has really convicted me about my high-horseness in this matter. During this period, have I loved this person the way I should have? No. They have let me down. But, I let them down, too.

I have a couple of people in my life that are really being troublesome. Yesterday, I broke down and was crying to God about it. I was complaining that He gave me these knuckleheads to deal with, but not the strength to deal with them. He lit up my heart with the fact that I really haven't been bringing these issues to Him. I have been trying to deal with them myself.

I do this way too much. I think that I am supposed to be able to do it all. Arrogance is what it really is. I take on too much and don't do any of it really well. So, back to basics. I've gotten off track and He is jerking me back on. Thank the Lord. It takes so much energy to work against God's plan for my life. The more I work against it, the more stressed out and I get and the less clear my path is. I am relaxing into humility right now and realizing I don't have to be all that, all the time. What a relief!

What I've Been Doing...

2010-09-06T20:27:00.000-07:00

...oh nothing. Just creating life....

Now, that is perfection.

Rambling Update

2010-07-31T07:50:00.000-07:00

I got the word yesterday that I have a little over two weeks before I get induced. This is a two-edged sword. I am the type of person who would have my baby at home, if I could. I'm high-risk in multiple categories, so I couldn't. I insisted on the least amount of ultrasounds and forewent the amniocentisis.

However, in addition to the medical conditions that I started out with, I've developed pre-eclampsia and so, will have to be induced at 37 weeks. Besides a c-section, inducement is a worst-case scenario for me. Extremely difficult to do without an epidural (I'm going to try, but I'm not going to be a hero), and it tends to lead to more and more intervention...more difficult delivery, forceps, vacuum, and in almost all cases, the aforementioned epidural. Not to mention, a higher incidence of the dreaded c-section.

I have had a difficult pregnancy and it is a miracle that my Little Man has made it this far. My high-risk doctor performed my final ultrasound (grand total of 3, one was an emergency in month two) yesterday and said that my son looks like a million bucks. But, the longer he stays in, the more dangerous it becomes for him. So, inducement in two weeks, while not my dream situation, it is the best thing for baby. The only intervention I've managed to escape is the amnio. Usually when a baby is induced before 39 weeks, they require one. But, since they are going to take him at 37 weeks no matter what, it is not necessary. Score one for Momma.

During this gestation, I've had very limited energy. I've had about two good workable hours most days. Some, I haven't gotten out of bed, except to go to the bathroom every hour. So, I've had to streamline my activities. I am also getting a sense of a new set of priorities. I guess I'm going through the transition from Mom-to-be to Mom-in-living-color. Since I've had limited workable hours, I've focused on my home and family almost exclusively. No journaling, no working on my novel, no socializing (almost none), and very little blogging.

I have been doing a wee bit of writing, though. I've outlined a book (working five minutes at a time, here and there) on my family's frugal lifestyle. I got the idea when my sister came to visit last month. She commented on what a high quality of life we had on such a little bit of money. I even sent her home with a tip that will save her two dollars every time she goes to Starbucks (that really impressed her.) So, little by little, I started taking notes on strategies we've developed over the last six years of marriage. I was stunned when my outline reached three single-spaced pages. I had never thought about our lifestyle in a structured way before, but we have amassed quite a stash of frugal knowledge.

I've been amazed at how happy I am when I am working on this project. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy writing fiction. But, I never have had the feeling that I was doing anything important. But, with this project, I feel that I could have a true, positive impact on a lot of families who are going through tough times. Not to get too mushy, but I think that Little Man's impending arrival has refocused my energies and I, too, am going through a birth, of sorts. I hope it sticks.

The Other Blog

2010-06-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

Just for fun, I've started another blog...here...it is about all the fun my family has saving money. I know that doesn't sound like much fun. We are southerners stuck in NY for a twelve year span. We have seven more to go. The cost of living is OUTRAGEOUS. We are not only trying to survive, but have enough money to finish college for ourselves, send Lil' Bit to college, pay off all of our debt, and buy a house down south when we leave. These are rather lofty goals considering our cash flow.

The only way to do it is to have an extremely tight budget. Budgets are no fun, but we've managed to make saving money a game. We all try to outdo the other in making a buck stretch. For example, The Big Guy bought a brand new bread machine at a yard sale last year for $1. Lil' Bit bought a full-sized Sanyo keyboard for $8 two weeks ago. These are just two of our many, many frugal victories. Anyway, I started that blog to cheer our family on in our Low Falutin' ways. Stop by if you like to save a buck.

Re-visiting the Anti in Anti-Perfection

2010-06-14T12:43:00.000-07:00

So, I had a minor freak-out last night about all the things that I'm not accomplishing. My gentle husband had to remind me that the only thing I have to do, grow our son, is progressing nicely. Everything else is incidental. I love it when he puts things in perspective for me.

This was me two months ago...I am now officially humongous.

Taken about two hours ago.

The Great Silence…broken

2010-06-10T06:08:00.001-07:00

Since the Great Egg Fertilization of 2009, I've been reduced to about two, maybe three good hours of energy a day. I have been under a couple of deadlines that had to be met. Therefore, I have had to streamline my day to just the bare essentials. I did manage to finish my bookkeeping course on schedule. Barely. And my apartment no longer looks like Sid and Nancy live here. I can now resume my pleasure activities…writing, sewing, shaving my legs…oh wait, what?

Just Checking In

2010-03-11T04:15:00.000-08:00

Hi All,
My computer crashed and I've been without the net for a week...aaaagh! I bought a netbook yesterday to fill the gap. It has taken me four hours to write this (tiny keyboard.) More to come....
April

Gaming the Lemon Tree

2010-02-23T08:51:00.000-08:00

Ah, procrastination. Where would I be without you? Probably in my beach-side condo enjoying the fruits of my best-selling novel, stopping only to refresh my mojito and consult with my stock broker. But, alas you are a lemon tree. Generous in providing a constant supply of lemons for my lemonade making pleasure. Can I game the Lemon Tree? Can I actually use procrastination to my benefit?

Ways I creatively procrastinate:

Scenario 1 - I've been putting off starting a big project. I also hate doing the dishes. So, I decide that I only have to set up my project and get started on the first part. I get the project set up and all of a sudden, those dishes have to be washed right now, by gum. This works so well, that sometimes I'll pull out the big project even when I don't need to work on it, just to scare myself into doing chores.

Scenario 2 - I've hit a slow spot in my WIP. All of a sudden, that idea that has been percolating in the back of my head starts demanding attention. Write me now, write me now. In the past, I would just drop what I was doing and run after the new shiny. But, I've learned to seduce myself with the new activity. If I get one more page done, then I can procrastinate with the new idea. Then working on the new thing seems more like a guilty pleasure than work.

Scenario 3 - Reading. OMG, I love to read. You see the books I've read column? Those are only the ones I've finished. Multiply that by about four or five, to account for the ones I scanned or didn't finish, and you get some kind of idea of my literary appetite. *I used to finish every book I started, but if it doesn't do it for me, away it goes. Life is too short for sucky books.* When I'm in a big project, I limit my reading to books on writing and those in my genre (unless a book comes out by a favorite author, like today.) Go, Kim, Go.
That way, if the reading jones hits me too hard, I am still working. I'm reading about my craft or doing market research.

There are so many activities to choose from during my day. I try to keep a steady supply of profitable ones in rotation, so that if I'm running from one, I'm still moving forward. For someone like me, with a short attention span, it is a remarkably efficient way to stay on track.

What ways do you all have to creatively procrastinate?

Here's an interview with Ms. Harrison. Enjoy!

Putting the Smackdown on Perfectionism

2010-02-11T10:32:00.000-08:00

The main reason that I started this blog was to put the smackdown on my ridiculous perfectionism. But, this last week or so it has reared its ugly head. I've found myself not posting because I didn't have that perfect topic. So, in the spirit of anti-perfectionism, here is a possibly lame update on what is going on in Aprilville.

In my last post, I mentioned that I applied to be an editor at BellaOnline. Well, I didn't get it. They gave it to some Dr. Whateverhernameis. The nerve. Moving on. I also submitted four articles for review at Constant Content. I was amazed when the first was approved. They are notorious for being grammar snobs. I, however, am not. So, after a gazillion rewrites, I hit submit. It took five days, but my first article was approved. Then I submitted another. Repeat acceptance process two more times.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to find an offer for one of my articles. What? Someone wants to buy what I've written? Yowza. So I accepted the offer and have my first sale. That was an amazing feeling. Of course, now I'm stalking my account, psychicly willing my articles to sell.

I've also managed to put together a complete outline for a novel. I've been toying with this idea for a while. It keeps morphing on me though, and I haven't been able to hold it down long enough to write the damn thing. Hopefully, this outline will help.

Now that I've got a strangle-hold on the perfectionism, I can tackle my procrastination. Maybe later.

A Brave New World...or things that make me sick....

2010-01-28T08:10:00.000-08:00

Pregnancy has brought radical change to our household. My husband is working longer hours and I'm not working any at all. Well, that is not entirely true. I'm not working outside the house, but I have quite a few projects that I am working on.

My picture perfect goals have jumped track. That is not a bad thing, just means that I have to do a major realignment. That and wash the dishes. OMG, do I have morning sickness or what?! Between bouts of nausea, I applied as an editor at BellaOnline and submitted my first article at Constant Content. If you are a writer and haven't checked out that site, stop what you are doing and go right now. Pushy, ain't I?

The accounting goals are temporarily on the back burner. My husband wants me to be a stay-at-home mom. That is fine with me, but I have to DO something. So, this is the perfect opportunity for me to concentrate on my writing. The first drafts of which I'm doing longhand. Why? I'm glad you asked. Let me refer you to the list of things that make me sick:

1. Being on the computer for longer than ten minutes - must be something with my sensitive inner ear, weird
2. Almost all meat - apparently the little tyke is a vegetarian, thanks
3. Pears - huh?
4. Smells - this runs in the family, my Papa says that my Nana can still smell the frankincense and myrhh from the first Christmas
5. Being in a car - inner ear
6. Lying down - indigestion
7. Standing up - ?
8. Eating
9. Not eating
10. blah, blah, blah

Oh, the joys of the first trimester. I've heard that it gets better around week 14. I'm in week 8 *sobs unconsolably*. I'm such a wussy.

But, I am very grateful for this baby, nauseaus vegetarian and all.

On the upside, both reading and writing take my mind off of everything else, so I'm doing a lot more of each. Happy Thursday, everyone!!!

What?????

2010-01-18T08:04:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard the saying, "if you don't want something to happen, don't write it down"? It is a favorite of me Dad's. You might have wondered why I put down mother as one of my goals in the last post.

My husband and I have wanted children since we got married almost six years ago. We've been tested and prodded and I have taken fertility pills to no avail. I actually was starting to enjoy the idea of being childless. Well, not completely childless. I have a step-daughter, Lil Bit, that rocks my world. She isn't with us full-time, though, and I was starting to enjoy the idea of not adding to the brood (although, I hadn't given up, just accepted).

Well, if you've been wondering where I've been...I've had morning sickness. ALL. DAY. LONG.

We changed our diet the day after Thanksgiving to a low-carbish system. Then next month...BAM! So, I was already preggers when I wrote my last post. I just thought it was funny. I've never written mother as a goal before and then this happens. I got a kick out of it.

Sliders

2010-01-07T10:42:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about how full my goal list is. Become an accountant, real-estate developer, novelist, mother, invent cold-fusion...you know, the usual. When the goal list is as crowded as this, where do you find the time to make progress on them all?

Sliders. No, not the little hamburgers, you're on your New Year's diet, anyway. I'm talking about little things you can slide into your day.

Take my list, for example. I am learning to become an accountant. That is taking up the main bulk of my discretionary time. But, every couple of days I log onto Craigslist and realtor.com to check the housing prices in my target area. I'm not at the point where I have the time or money to achieve my goal of becoming a real-estate developer on the Gulf Coast. I can, however, build my knowledge of the subject. This way, when the time comes for me to move to the coast, I have knowledge of housing trends over several years and am ahead of the game.

I also have the goal of becoming a published author. I don't have a good solid chunk of time to spend every day in pursuit of this goal, but I can slide it in between other tasks. Tonight is the once-a-month meeting of the sci-fi writing group at the local bookstore. My husband has an errand he has to run on that side of town and I'm getting him to drop me off and come pick me back up when he is done. Two hours from the time I leave the house until I return. My time budget can spare that once a month. I just slide it right in. It is not a big commitment, but it keeps the goal alive and anchored in my mind.

I also try to keep a notepad and a book with me wherever I go. The book is for filling my word well and the notebook is for fishing from it. I can do either in ten minute increments throughout the day. Traffic was unusually light and I got to work ten minutes early. Great, I pull out my notebook and jot down a bit of dialogue that has been bouncing around my head or a topic for the next blog post. The line at the deli is super long? Great, I read a chapter in my book and turn a frustrating situation into a step forward.

Because I have limited time, I try to leverage my sliders for maximum benefit. I want the activity to accomplish one of three things.
1. build connections with others with similar goals - support is critical in goal-achievement (writing groups, or supporting a fellow blogger)
2. builds knowledge (reading books and blogs on target subject, doing a bit of homework, studying target market)
3. concrete production (writing that is project specific, taking a certification exam - *I have one that is going to take 45 minutes online, that I have to squeeze in sometime in the next week*)

As for cold-fusion, there is a documentary on Tesla that I've been meaning to watch.

Book List

2010-01-01T21:34:00.000-08:00

In a blatant rip-off of Lt. Cccyxx over at Skullcrusher Mt., I'm starting a "Books I've Read This Year" list. I was trying to do it on Shelfari, but it is too many hoops to jump through. If you notice, the over-achieving bastard already has a book on his list for 2010. I've got about five going now, but the current favorite is Sword in the Storm by David Gemmell. If I ever finish it, it will be posted where my Shelfari used to be. That is all.

Hello 2010!

2010-01-01T18:00:00.000-08:00

I am so excited about this new year. Not that I hated 2009, but growing pains are, well, painful. I did, however, make significant progress towards my MAG. I refined what i wanted my life to look like and made measurable steps.

My husband and I live in New York, and will for the next seven years. That is when my step-daughter, Lil' Bit, graduates high school. The plan is to then move to Bay St. Louis, MS, where we will be self-employed accountants and renovate houses. We will work crazy hours Feb-Apr and go to the beach every day in the summer. Then we will drive into New Orleans for the weekends for the best food and partying in the world.

When Katrina hit, all but five hundred of the eight thousand housed in Bay St. Louis were destroyed. The community has made great strides in recuperating. There has been reconstruction, but it is going slowly. We want to contribute to the revival. There will still be many opportunities, in seven years, for us to make a difference.

To that end, we accomplished several things in 2009. My husband enrolled in a one-year accounting program. I enrolled in a bookkeeping certificate program and income tax preparation class. I have passed all the tests for the bookkeeping class. I have only my graduation project to complete. I completed the income tax class and made some great new friends in the process. I was also offered (and accepted) a position for the tax season.

In 2009, I complete my first short story ever. Well, amend that...I finished the first draft of my first short story ever. I've started many, many stories. My internal editor always sabatoged me after a few pages. But, I managed to put an entire story to paper. Beginning, middle, and end. I also started this here blog, pardner.

Now for 2010. As I've mentioned, I don't make huge resolutions. I take this time to realign my goals, if I need to. Well, as the preposition at the end of the last sentence might have led you to believe, I need to better my grammar. I have a bright, shiny new grammar book waiting for me. I will be placing it by my bedside.

Also, I'm not going to resolve to go to the gym every day. I currently make it every two weeks. I know, I'm lazy. So, I think reasonable improvement would be once a week. I am a bartender and that is a physically active position. So, the situation is not as dire as it would appear. But, these flabby arms are that dire.

I resolve not to freak out on customers during tax season. Okay, that might be unreasonable. I resolve not to freak out and use obscenities. I will finish my bookkeeping certificate and enroll in the one-year accounting program. I will also rewrite and submit my story.

Not too much. All realistic and attainable. More importantly, all move me closer to the life I want to lead.

So, hello 2010! And Happy New Year to you all.

The Mother of All Goals

2009-12-21T21:28:00.000-08:00

We are rapidly approaching the time for New Year's Resolutions. I don't go all out and resolve to loose fifty pounds or workout everyday or read Kafka or apply to medical school. Been there, done that. All those are good things, but now I use the New Year time more as an opportunity to recheck and realign my plan. What worked this year? What didn't work this year? Is my plan getting me closer to the Mother of All Goals.

What, you ask, is the MAG? I'm so glad you asked. It is to be the Captain of My Day. Or Major. Or Rear Admiral. What-have-you. I want the financial freedom to spend my day drinking spiced rum and watching Battlestar Galactica reruns. Or spend five hours a day training for the synchronized knitting trials (I'll beat those damn Kenyans). Or learning to speak proper English. You get the picture.

Hopefully, I will use my freedom for something worthwhile. Maybe not. Either way, I will be the one who decides. Now, pass me the rum and frak off.

Love the Goal You’re With

2009-12-11T11:34:00.001-08:00

A major factor in goal-setting success is the suppression of competing activities. I had a major Competing Activity flare up this last week. I got into my head that I was going to learn how to design websites. That is all fine and good. Only thing is, I have a Major test on Wednesday. This test is an integral part of a critical goal. It is, however, the middle. The most boring part of any goal arc. The middle miles, ick.

The beginning is so full of promise and planning. The end is blooming with victory. The middle is, well, the middle. If I am going to drop the ball, this is the place. I become obsessed with some new fangled idea. It is the best idea I've ever had. It is all I can think about. And then I'm off in another direction, my original goal left high and dry. Or, I get engrossed in novel after novel. I start reading like a starving man eats. Luckily, I've learned to catch myself. When I start spending an unusual amount of time thinking about something unrelated to my goals, I ask myself what I am avoiding. I'm getting better and better at catching my self-sabotage in the early stages.

Moral of the story - If you can't be with the goal you love, love the goal you're with.

Epic Win

2009-12-07T09:39:00.000-08:00

On a lighter note, this is a fine example of setting a goal and achieving it. These two guys wanted to make an epic commercial about this mobile home liquidator in Cullman, AL. I say they did.

Just remember, walking and pointing is epic.

Hell or High Water

2009-12-01T09:14:00.001-08:00

The Hell or High Water Goal: a planned course of action that is adhered to, with complete commitment, no matter what the circumstances.

I began to employ my first Hell or High Water Goal seven years ago. That is when I was dark, moody, quick to anger, and sharp-tongued every day. I didn't like myself very much. I read somewhere that you should find someone that acts like they feel like you want to feel, and act like they do. The author (I can't remember who it was now) said that at first you will feel stupid and phony and people will probably make fun of you. Then something magical happens. Somewhere along the line, you actually begin feeling the way you act.

There was a manager where I worked that acted like he felt like a million bucks every day. Every day he came to work, he had a giant smile on his face. He would slap people on the back and tell them how glad he was to see them. He gave his very best effort at every single thing he did. He was always saying things like, "I'm taking it up a notch, baby." On a scale of 1 to 10 on the cheery scale, he was an 11. My coworkers would roll their eyes at his corniness, but whenever he walked into the room, the mood was elevated significantly.

I thought to myself, I want to feel like a million bucks. So, I tried an experiment. I decided to act just like my manager. I was very theatrical. I walked in all smiles the next day. I complimented every single person I encountered and told them how happy I was to see them. I also did the best job I could do. At first, he thought I was making fun of him. He cocked an eyebrow at me. "I'm upping my game, baby!" I shouted and then high-fived him. I continued to grin like an idiot for the rest of my shift.

Then I went home and got drunk. I was exhausted from the sheer effort of being cheery. I, grudgingly, admitted, though, that it had been kind of fun. So, I tried it again the next day. I got the same weird looks from my coworkers. However, the second day was easier than the first. When I got home, I didn't put my smile away with my uniform. I kept it on for a while and said some nice things to my roommate. By the third day, I realized that while this new attitude still wasn't coming naturally to me, I was enjoying it. I made a decision then and there. Come hell or high water, I was going to have a great attitude at work. Even if it killed me.

Some amazing things started to happen. I went from being a background employee to one that the managers looked to for input. My customers started responding to me in a new way. I began to make friends with some of them and seeing them after work. One of my coworkers, whose bright demeanor clashed with my earlier dark sarcasm, invited me to go with her to a poetry workshop. I found that I enjoyed it immeasurably. I stopped having to work so hard at my cheeriness and found that I wasn't just acting happy anymore. I was starting to actually BE happy.

Now, that's successful goal-setting.

Believing in Magic

2009-11-24T11:59:00.000-08:00

The beloved Wikipedia defines Magic the following way:
Magic, sometimes known as sorcery, is the practice of consciousness manipulation and/or autosuggestion to achieve a desired result, usually by techniques described in various conceptual systems. The practice is often influenced by ideas of religion, mysticism, occultism, science, and psychology.

I would like to discuss that first part. Okay, not the sorcery part, but the next one. Where it defines magic as “the practice of consciousness manipulation and/or autosuggestion to achieve a desired result….” Consciousness manipulation, hmmm.

Consciousness=Thinking Manipulation=Exerting Control or Influence

So, another way to say that - magic is the practice of exerting control or influence over ones own thinking to achieve a desired result. That is how I describe goal-setting. There is magic power in intent, especially if it is written. My father says that if you don’t want something to come about, you better not write it down. He is absolutely right. I believe you must exercise great care when setting goals. In other words, be careful what you wish for.

When I turned thirty, I set in motion a series of goals. My main intent was to be a busy, self-employed person. Self-employed, because I was tired of working for other people. Busy, because I thought that would mean I was getting a lot done. Three years later, my husband and I owned a house painting company. I was successful…and busy. My husband and I worked in excess of eighty hours a week. We got to spend a lot of time together. That was great. We had no life, though. That wasn’t great.

Fast forward two years, we were rated a five-star company by a nationally recognized organization and had a long list of happy clients. We had achieved the goals we had set for ourselves. The only problem was that we weren’t happy. We didn’t get to spend enough time with our little girl and the business was dominating our lives. We sat down and decided that we wanted to do something else with our lives. Well, our circumstances immediately responded to the new influence on our thinking. In retrospect, we should have re-defined our goals instead of abandoning them. Within two months, our company was in ruins. We had a series of absurd calamities that left everything we had worked so hard for in ashes. It really was that fast. That has been my experience in general. If I put the passion into my goal (or anti-goal), everything in my life pivots on that.

Don’t get me wrong. This is not a sad story. This was a major course correction. The slate was cleaned and now we could start again. We had not set goals that were in line with our dreams. Both my husband and I had thought that our dreams were completely out of our reach. So, we had set “realistic” goals of material success. We weren’t going to make that mistake, again. We had seen the power of our goals and intent. We were about to put them to good use.

In my next post, I will begin to explain the process we’ve used to get such dramatic results from our goal-setting.
Just be careful what you wish for.

Anti-Perfection

2009-11-24T09:14:00.001-08:00

My name is April and I am a perfectionist. Perfectionism is a great and horrible thing. One the one hand it can drive you to succeed where others would give up. On the other hand, it can prevent you from even beginning a task because you know that said task cannot be completed to your own high standards, or because the thought of all the work it would take to complete said task to your own high standards seems overwhelming.

There is nothing like the feeling that comes from having created something that feels right (perfect). For example, I bought a group of pictures and arranged them in a frame. Then I rearranged them. Then I rearranged them again. Then I rearranged them again. This went on for quite some time. I couldn't get that perfect feel. I knew that there was some arrangement of these pictures that would bring all of the elements together in the best way. I, finally, brought in a second pair of eyes (a big step forward for me) and together my husband and I moved the pictures around a little more. At last, I had just the composition that I wanted. My husband hung that frame on the wall (in just the right spot, bless his heart) and now every time that I look at it, I get a little rush of satisfaction. And that is how it goes when it works out. Sometimes though, that feeling of perfection is just out of reach and now matter how hard I keep trying and trying, I can't get it just right. Sometimes, I can get stuck chasing that perfection and loose sight of the bigger picture. But, when I reach that place where everything comes together…bliss.

I have a complex set of goals charting out where I want to go the next few years. This project is integral to one of the legs of my ambition. If I get bogged down in perfection, there is no way I can achieve what I want to do in a reasonable time frame. I've started this blog several times and then torn it apart again. Today I have decided to try another strategy. I will become, on these pages, the Anti-Perfect. I'm going to start on this part of my goal. I will let the chips fall where they may. Okay, I will probably stack them in neat little piles, but I will not pick them up. You can consider my run-on sentences and eye-hurting grammar as an exercise in letting go.