Super-Secret Project

I've started to become very superstitious when it comes to my writing.  This comes from analyzing my failed attempts at finishing a book.  My process usually looks something like this:  I get really excited about a project, I get the darned thing outlined, I start writing, and then I start talking about it.  It is this "talking about it" part that I am growing excessively superstitious about.  What happens is that I get so excited about my project, I use up all my creative energy talking, talking, talking.  Then, when I sit down to write...nothing. 

So, I'll say, I'm working on something very exciting.  Possibly life-changing.  But, I'm saving the details for the page.  I have a workable outline.  I am going to have to streamline it, though.  It is non-fiction and that is new for me.  Okay, off to do some research.

photo by Michal Marcol

Three Week Mark

...and I've lost five pounds.  Not setting any records here, but hey slow and steady wins the race, right?

Fight the Crazy

                                                                  photograph by Graur Codrin

I changed my weight loss ticker this morning.  I tell you what...I am my own worst enemy sometimes.  So, I had my weight loss goal as 100 lbs.  Do I need to lose 100 lbs?  No.  It is just a beautiful round number.  If I lost 100 lbs, I would be twenty pounds under weight for my age and height.  AND, I would be setting myself up for failure.  I mean this is goalsethigh, not goalsetimpossible.  I reset my goal for the high end of my healthy weight.  That brings my goal to 59 lbs.  Much more manageable.  Also, if I lose two pounds a week, I will have that licked in thirty weeks.  September 25.  That is four days after my 39th birthday.  Maybe I could crank it up here and there and make it by the 21st.  What a great birthday present!  Pray for me...please.

Large Mammal

photograph by Tom Curtis

That's right.  I've become a large mammal.  I had started to lose weight when I got pregnant.  Actually, the weight loss triggered my dormant fertility.  Blah, blah, blah - big fat mammal.  Anyway, I've decided to train for a 5k.  I am also going to track my weight loss on a little gadget on my blog.  I've now got to choose my race. 

Good Enough

Recently, I've been a martyr in one of my close relationships.  Yes, the person did me wrong.  Yes, I have every right to remove this relationship from my life.  But, I don't have to roll around in that person's wrongness.  The Lord has really convicted me about my high-horseness in this matter.  During this period, have I loved this person the way I should have?  No.  They have let me down.  But, I let them down, too. 

I have a couple of people in my life that are really being troublesome.  Yesterday, I broke down and was crying to God about it.  I was complaining that He gave me these knuckleheads to deal with, but not the strength to deal with them.  He lit up my heart with the fact that I really haven't been bringing these issues to Him.  I have been trying to deal with them myself. 

I do this way too much.  I think that I am supposed to be able to do it all.  Arrogance is what it really is.  I take on too much and don't do any of it really well.  So, back to basics.  I've gotten off track and He is jerking me back on.  Thank the Lord.  It takes so much energy to work against God's plan for my life.  The more I work against it, the more stressed out and I get and the less clear my path is.  I am relaxing into humility right now and realizing I don't have to be all that, all the time.  What a relief!

What I've Been Doing...

...oh nothing.  Just creating life....

Now, that is perfection.

Rambling Update

I got the word yesterday that I have a little over two weeks before I get induced. This is a two-edged sword. I am the type of person who would have my baby at home, if I could. I'm high-risk in multiple categories, so I couldn't. I insisted on the least amount of ultrasounds and forewent the amniocentisis.


However, in addition to the medical conditions that I started out with, I've developed pre-eclampsia and so, will have to be induced at 37 weeks. Besides a c-section, inducement is a worst-case scenario for me. Extremely difficult to do without an epidural (I'm going to try, but I'm not going to be a hero), and it tends to lead to more and more intervention...more difficult delivery, forceps, vacuum, and in almost all cases, the aforementioned epidural. Not to mention, a higher incidence of the dreaded c-section.

I have had a difficult pregnancy and it is a miracle that my Little Man has made it this far. My high-risk doctor performed my final ultrasound (grand total of 3, one was an emergency in month two) yesterday and said that my son looks like a million bucks. But, the longer he stays in, the more dangerous it becomes for him. So, inducement in two weeks, while not my dream situation, it is the best thing for baby. The only intervention I've managed to escape is the amnio. Usually when a baby is induced before 39 weeks, they require one. But, since they are going to take him at 37 weeks no matter what, it is not necessary. Score one for Momma.

During this gestation, I've had very limited energy.  I've had about two good workable hours most days.  Some, I haven't gotten out of bed, except to go to the bathroom every hour.  So, I've had to streamline my activities.  I am also getting a sense of a new set of priorities.  I guess I'm going through the transition from Mom-to-be to Mom-in-living-color.  Since I've had limited workable hours, I've focused on my home and family almost exclusively.  No journaling, no working on my novel, no socializing (almost none), and very little blogging. 

I have been doing a wee bit of writing, though.  I've outlined a book (working five minutes at a time, here and there) on my family's frugal lifestyle.  I got the idea when my sister came to visit last month.  She commented on what a high quality of life we had on such a little bit of money.  I even sent her home with a tip that will save her two dollars every time she goes to Starbucks (that really impressed her.)  So, little by little, I started taking notes on strategies we've developed over the last six years of marriage.  I was stunned when my outline reached three single-spaced pages.  I had never thought about our lifestyle in a structured way before, but we have amassed quite a stash of frugal knowledge.

I've been amazed at how happy I am when I am working on this project.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy writing fiction.  But, I never have had the feeling that I was doing anything important.  But, with this project, I feel that I could have a true, positive impact on a lot of families who are going through tough times.  Not to get too mushy, but I think that Little Man's impending arrival has refocused my energies and I, too, am going through a birth, of sorts.  I hope it sticks.